These Advice given by A Father Which Helped Us when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider failure to communicate between men, who often absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."