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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This means choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions confirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {